Love When You're Ready, Not When You're Lonely

I've been in love once, my first and only love. When I was with him my world felt better with him, at least for a portion of our rel becoming relationship. Then I noticed the direction we were going in changed, his plans didn't match mine, especially for how young we were.He started becoming controlling, or maybe I just finally realized he was controlling and as much as it hurt me I had to let go. I would stay at my guy friend's houses so that I didn't have to sleep alone. I would look for and force connections that weren't really there, and I'd spend so much time convincing myself I was happy, when I truly wasn't.  I tried to tell my head and heart I didn't miss my ex, I tried to tell myself things were better that way as I prayed no one would hear me crying in the shower because I wanted to be strong. I wanted to seem together because I didn't want months to go by and have people think I was weak, or pathetic, or tell me to move on. Learning to live without someone you started building your life arround isn't easy to get over. I didn't know what to do with my feelings, I tried being so trong on the outside while feeling so weak  on the inside. Then the loneliness set in. Feeling alone makes you think irrational thoughts. You start falling in lust with every person you show interest in, or every person whi shows interest in you. You shoould be alone after you break up, you should be alone for as much time as you need to heal, because eventually the pain of your hearth break won't screaming in your ear as much as it used to about how much you miss your ex. There are some people who will never get over someone they love, and that's okay, too. But before you start a new relationship you should be ready. You should have come to terms with being alone and figured out who you are as a person now. You should have figured out what makes you happy and what you want or don't want in a future partner. Be secure in who you are on your own because being alone is important. It helps you find your strength and learn who you are, it makes you realize it's better to be alone than with someone who isn't fully invested. So please, don't allow your loneliness to fool you into the arms of some one who you know you have no business being with, be alone, you'd be surprised how much it can teach you.